Divorce And Separation - A Child's Perspective
By Jenny Clair, Fri Dec 9th
It is always the children that suffer the most when a marriagebreaks down and separation or is imminent. Children ofdivorcing parents often witness arguments even rows and this hasa strong effect on any child. Children do not understand whyparents argue and cannot relate to rows during the build up to adivorce or seperation. They become confused and insecure andtheir life seems as if it is in turmoil. Here we explain some ofthe issues from a child’s perspective. Children do not understand why parents no longer love each otherand cannot stay together. Prior to or separation theyhave only known that happy caring family environment which theywere brought into. To them their world has been turned upsidedown and they cannot see why. If parents loved each other in thepast, then why can’t they love one another in the future. Children often believe that they could be the reason for a breakup in a marriage which can result in long term damaging guiltcomplexes. A child’s character often changes during orseparation when things are not normal at home. Children can bevery sensitive to the emotional environment.
During or separation many children become disruptive atschool, argumentative at home and some even go into a recluse.This can be a very lonely time, particularly if they are an onlychild. Their friends are not going through what they areemotionally. Hence they feel that they are the odd one out allof a sudden and do not know how to cope with the situation. Allthey want is for their life to go back to a normal family lifewhere parents don’t argue and row as it may have been before thestress of or seperation. When a couple decide that is the only option andseparation is a necessity, children are again the ones that iteffects the most. They are told that they will be with oneparent one day and the other the next. How are they supposed toform any kind of routine ? This can often result in children notsleeping in their own beds as they prefer the comfort andsecurity of being with a parent. Children often feel insecureand are most vulnerable even at school when they listen to
theirfriends planning family outings and holidays. Children of divorcing parents can feel as though they are goingto miss out on family events and get togethers. During a divorceeach parent makes separate commitments to a child and It isimportant that when arrangements have been made by the parent orparents that they keep to them as the child will feel let downand resent a parent for not being there for them after they hadsaid they would. Reliability and punctuality are of utmostimportance to a child. They will clock watch and expect to seeyou on time and have been looking forward to spending time withyou wherever you decide to take them. In a child’s eyes it’s youthey want to be with and it’s your time spent with them that’smost important to them even after the or separation. Divorce can bring our the worst in people. Never run down theother parent in front of your child. This creates resentment andbad feelings all round. Also, never think that you can buy achild if you are late or fail to follow through with yourpromise. Although you may think that you are doing good forbuying your child a toy to impress them - think again - keepthat special toy for a birthday or Christmas present. Your timeto be with them is much more valuable than a toy. Even after thedivorce or separation they will remember where you took them andwhat a fantastic time you both had rather than a toy. They willtalk about your outing or time together for days because itmeant so much to them to see you and have you all to themselves.Quality time rather than quantity of toys is far more importantto a child. These are just some of the issues children face when parents aregoing through the throws of a or separation and everyattempt should be made by divorcing parents to limit or reducethese adverse affects upon children.
http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com
About the author:Jenny Clair is the editor of Marriage-Divorce-Separation.com anarticle based web site exploring the human side of marriagebreakdowns, and separation situations. http://www.marriage-divorce-separation.com |
